How about we stop caring about what the religious right or the straight white middle class for that matter think of us, okay? You may like living on eggshells but that is not my idea of liberation. I disagree that we would be living on eggshells if the LGBT community was fully integrated into all of society. No one thinks racism disappeared after the Civil War or the Civil Rights legislation; it takes time and highlighting the non-differences to really move public opinion and improve relations from a societal point-of-view.
Being able to get married is wonderful, being able to walk down the street in NYC while holding the hand of your husband without worrying about looks or getting beat up is better.
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Anyone who has ever managed change in a large organization will tell you that it is a slow process and you have to be careful if you want to be successful. PR matters, a lot… When the media portrays gay people for a straight audience, they tend to white wash over some common aspects of the gay community. The public has advanced a lot in 10 years but we, as a community, have to move the public opinion needle slowly and responsibly AND at the right time.
No one thinks Baker v. Nelson in helped the marriage equality movement, if anything it hurt it. In , the LGBT community should have been entirely focused on just securing basic rights to exist openly. It has taken 46 years after Stonewall for marriage equality to be a real possibility across the entire United States; pretty amazing if you compare it to other civil rights movements: Until the LGBT community is cemented firmly in the normalcy of society we should think about PR; love it or hate it that is reality.
This is just the tip of the iceberg of gay dysfunction. Look at any of the thousand and one rationalizations for self-destructive behavior that appear by the minute on every gay blog.
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But a large sector of our community cannot get over the internalized homophobia of living in a bigoted culture. And they do not respond to logic or argument. Some of us have been trying for decades. So incredibly not true. For the 20 year old it is very often the security that originally might have a part to play in drawing the younger to the older, but in the end if the older does not have something more to offer than just cash the relationship is doomed from the start.
Putting up with someone you seriously have no feelings for just for a little cash is not something most average people do. I have no idea why, but he loves me for me and I love him for him. I have always liked older. He is the first younger guy I have dated. Why do you care so much about who other people date?
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You assume straight people want to see us in a certain light, but they are themselves waking up to the fact they too are more free to have the relationships they want. Also, nothing is guaranteed in this world. Just to refresh your memory, he was pro-gay marriage in the 90s and against it when it got to the national stage by I doubt he changed his mind, he just changed what he said. This article should have been written more responsibility; they should have interviewed actual people in inter-generational relationships and humanized the story.
Irresponsible writing like this does fuel negative stereotypes. The Advocate and Out are shadows of their former selves and the other outlets have folded Ten Percent, Native, most local gay papers. You ARE the oppressor.
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Most of the couples in the pictures look of similar age. Mine is 15 years younger.
Who knows why? I just go with the flow. If it works for you, great. Sometimes its the love. Cynicism rarely glorifies any of us. You do not get to define what unhealthy means. Let me repeat myself. YOU are not the thought and moral police for other persons. I find it difficult to believe you have ever been part of any minority given the way you act. Yes, they used violence, you are trying to use fake shaming — the idea is the same — control what people say, control what is printed. They do it in an attempt to establish power, you do out of fear that perhaps something will be used against….
Get over yourself or go somewhere else. Er — you do realize that at least a 20 year age difference is evident in all but one of the pictures, right? The third photo of the guy in the cop costume with the beard and buzzed head which are characteristics that make a guy look older is probably mid 30s and the muscle guy next to him is 20 something.
The last photo in the pool…the bearded guy is probably about mid 40s or just sun damaged and the other guy with the wrinkles on his forehead and thinning hair is probably late 20s. Everything you said, I have felt.
I am learning to be much more secure in myself. Time will tell, but so far this has been the best relationship. I was in a 4 year, a 3 year, and a 16 year relationship, and this is the one I am the most relaxed, honest, secure and sexually satisfied with. What a bizarre article. Try to read it outloud! Labelling love! As a twenty something effeminate twink I love feeling the dominant and masculine difference in a 40 something man. I feel like his knowledge, grace and masculinity makes me feel safe, cared for and loved. That and some of the commenters here too that have said so.
Anyone want to explain the difference between that and the usual escort services? Oh yeah, ones pay as you go and the other is pay by say the month. To paraphrase the diarist, we had that argument over 30 years ago. Your side, with their closet-loving ways, were too afraid to stand up, to come out, to fight.
It attracted too much attention.
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Learn from the past. Act Up.
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You attitude railed against Act Up for being too offensive. Lives were saved and prolonged because of Act Up. You only sacrifice your own dignity and agency. Demand more for yourself. I think you missed the entire point of the article. The age difference between my partner and I bothered me a lot at the beginning but not him.
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He was 20 and I was 35 — he pursued a relationship with me when I thought it was just a fling. That was 28 years ago and the age difference disappeared a long time ago.
Having a younger lover probably kept me healthier and in good physical condition. If you are both within 10 years of each other, the age difference hardly matters at all. But once you start going over 10, the personality differences start to become very apparent and most likely will cause the relationship to fail.
Dan, I think that number depends on maturity. There can be a larger difference between 20 and 25 just 5 years than between 25 and 35 10 years , or between 30 and 45 15 years.